Fastexy Exchange|Narcissists are terrible parents. Experts say raising kids with one can feel impossible.

Think dating a narcissist is Fastexy Exchangehard? Try raising kids with one.

Mental health experts warn co-parenting with a narcissist can be one of the most challenging undertakings someone can experience − and with it comes a whole landmine of psychological issues.

"Trying to be a healthy co-parent or co-parenting with a narcissist is really one of the hardest things that you'll ever do," says Chelsey Cole, a psychotherapist and author of "If Only I'd Known: How to Outsmart Narcissists, Set Guilt-Free Boundaries, and Create Unshakeable Self-Worth." "There's no such thing as co-parenting with a narcissist, because 'co' means 'with,' and you can't co-parent with someone who's countering your every move."

The mental health toll of parenting with a narcissist

Raising kids with a narcissist is difficult no matter if you're still partnered with the narcissist or separated. Cole says abuse tactics deployed by narcissists include smear campaigning, gaslighting and attempting to use your children as pawns against you.

As a result, parents in these situations can experience anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress, hopelessness, loneliness and isolation. Not to mention many also feel pressure to keep their pain under wraps for the sake of their kids.

"It's like trying to stay calm in the middle of an active war zone, because of all the stress and chaos and abuse," Cole says. "Sometimes you find yourself acting in ways that aren't really you, because of the amount of stress that you're dealing with."

Stephanie Sarkis, a psychotherapist and author of "Healing from Toxic Relationships: 10 Essential Steps to Recover from Gaslighting, Narcissism, and Emotional Abuse," says narcissists notoriously try to cheat rules. This goes for parenting plans and custody agreements.

"It is high-conflict, high-stress, and you'll have someone that will try to change the rules on you," Sarkis says. "It can cause chronic stress, both for you and for the children. It can make you question your value as a person. It can make you question your value as a parent. It can potentially cause issues for you in future relationships."

What happens when a narcissist parents?They force their kids into these roles.

For many, one of the most challenging things about raising kids with a narcissist is seeing how the narcissist treats their children.

Narcissists will try to use kids against their former partner by gaslighting or manipulating children into distrusting their other parent or by blaming the other parent for things that are the narcissist's fault.

They will also go out of their way to disrespect and demean the other parent to their kids.

It's especially hard when children are too innocent to see how harmful the narcissistic parent is.

Sarkis says calling out or disparaging the narcissist to your kids is almost certainly a bad idea; however, she encourages parents to teach children about the importance of boundaries, empathy and treating people with kindness more broadly.

"You don't necessarily need to bring up the parent − you have to be very careful about that − but you can talk to them about healthy boundaries with people in general," she says. "It's also OK to tell your kids if someone is treating you in a way that you're not comfortable with, then it's OK to say 'no.' "

Is narcissism genetic?Narcissists are made, not born. How to keep your kid from becoming one.

Raising kids with a narcissist? Follow these tips.

Sarkis and Cole offer the following guidance for people co-parenting with a narcissist.

• Document everything: Parenting apps that track drop-off and pick-up times, as well as other aspects of an agreed parenting plan, can prove helpful in keeping the narcissist accountable, Sarkis says.
• Lawyer-up: It's imperative to have a family law attorney that "is knowledgeable in high-conflict co-parenting," Sarkis says.
• Model empathy for your kids and validate their feelings: Be the counter to the narcissist in your children's lives by showing and teaching respect, compassion and empathy. This will also lower the odds your kids will grow up to be narcissists themselves. "All relationships with narcissists are surface-level, which means you can fill the gaps and teach your kids what a healthy relationship looks like," Cole says.

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